The Colloidal Oatmeal Acquisition
by SergeantFuzzyBoots
Summary: Now that the sweater's finally off, Penny can start up the TLC. Purely fluff. Spoilers for 7.08.


**Just a fluffy one-shot based off of last night's episode. Johnny had such a great performance last night portraying stressed out!Leonard that I was getting rather stressed out myself! So, to put myself at ease, I wrote some Leonard/Penny fluff. Always a good a stress reliever. It's a shame Leonard can't do that. Maybe he can be like Raj and do that whole oil painting thing. Ha! ... Anyway.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Penny was rather relieved when she received a text message from Amy saying that the deal between their boyfriends was over, the ugly, sweater now a sad, red heap in the trash can, and Sheldon now in need of a ride to the grocery store to re-stock the freezer with frozen peas, the old ones having been put to a non-culinary use. After days of trying to persuade Leonard to remove the irritating garment, the waitress was nervous to finally see the state the experimental physicist's torso was in. The fabric had made the palms of her hands itchy enough simply when she tried to be close to him when they slept or so they could kiss; if Leonard's stomach had looked bee-stung before, it probably resembled someone who'd been clawed by cats now.

When she entered her boyfriend's room later that night after work, Penny found that her assumption hadn't been wrong. Leonard was lying shirtless on his bed, the flaming red splotches that covered his upper body showing prominently. The experimental physicist's fingers were pressed into his tightly shut eyes while two bags of frozen peas melted on his chest.

Penny's face scrunched up in a wince. Whatever animal attack resemblance Leonard's rash held, damn it had to hurt.

"Hey," she said, lifting the plastic bag she held in her hand. "I brought you some stuff from the pharmacy." She began pulling the items out. "Advil, Calamine lotion, and colloidal oatmeal."

"Oatmeal?" Leonard repeated, his voice sounding somewhat strained.

"Yeah, they said to take a warm bath in it," Penny explained, inspecting the back of the box. "'Guaranteed to make the water silky and soothing to provide relief from itching'." The waitress raised her eyebrows. "Well I don't know about you, but that sounds _very_ sexy." She flashed a grin at him, but it faltered when her boyfriend merely responded with a stiff nod. Penny sighed, putting the oatmeal down and climbing up next to him on the bed. "Are you okay?" she asked, putting a hand in his hair.

"No," he said thickly, slowly sitting up and tossing the peas aside. "I feel so stupid because I wore that stupid, itchy sweater for days when I didn't need to because Sheldon already paid for the stupid DVD, and now I've somehow gone from being mad at him to feeling sorry for him and I _hate_ that," he said, his voice breaking and his eyes growing watery.

Penny scooted closer, putting a hand to her boyfriend's chin and guiding his face into the crook of her neck. "Aw, honey," she sighed, rubbing his neck as his shoulders shook. She planted a kiss on his forehead. "Shh, it's okay, I'm gonna take care of you."

"You know," he forged on, voice quavering. "Maybe that was the whole point of my aunt giving me that sweater. I was supposed to claw myself to death before I even made it to college, so I wouldn't waste anyone's time!"

"_Okay_," Penny said, rising from the bed. "And on that note, you definitely need to take one of these." She removed the Advil container from her bag and handed him one of the tablets. Penny didn't waste any time after Leonard had swallowed the pill, determined to end this turmoil for him as quickly as possible. "Lotion or oatmeal?" she asked, holding both products up for him to see.

"Lotion," he sighed, reaching to take the pink bottle from her.

"No, I've got it." Penny returned to the bed, positioning herself behind Leonard and pouring some of the pink-tinged cream onto his back. "Just try to relax, okay? ... Unless you see a spider; you can flip out if you want to then." The waitress beamed when her comment got Leonard to crack a smile.

She lightly applied the lotion as the bottle instructed, the coat of cream on his back beginning to dry as Penny moved onto his stomach.

"Your poor arms," she lamented, half teasing, half sincere.

"More like my poor nipples," he corrected, smiling when Penny laughed.

"Does that feel any better?" she asked after tending to the aforementioned nipples.

He nodded. "Yeah. Thanks."

Penny smiled. "Good," she said before giving him a quick kiss. She pulled back when their lips parted but only slightly, grabbing his chin between her left thumb and fist "No more bets with Sheldon," she instructed, tapping his lower lip with her other forefinger.

"Yes, ma'am."

The two grinned at each before Penny rose to put the cream away. "It says you can apply it three to four times a day depending on the severity of the rash."

"Four times a day it is, then," Leonard sighed, lying back on the bed.

"Mm, you might want to skip that fourth session and substitute in that oatmeal bath," Penny suggested, coming to rest next to him. "I was serious before, that sounds like quite a good time."

Leonard cocked his head. "You mean good for you because you'll tease me about the fact that you're giving me a bath?"

"Excuse me, I take nursing you back to health very seriously!" She held the feigned hurt for a few moments before losing the act. "But, yes, it would be so fun, just let me do it once?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Fine. But no pictures."

"Really? You don't want evidence to show Princeton that you've smartened up and are listening to your girlfriend again?"

The Calamine-covered experimental physicist responded to her cheeky grin by simply tipping his head forward so his nose and forehead could rest against her face. Quite pleased by this reaction, Penny moved her hand to rest against his right arm before stopping herself. Right. She couldn't do that for a while. That lotion had better work fast.


End file.
